It pleases me to tell you about this astounding results our scientists over at our laboratories have discovered. The document reads as follows:

A core sample of the Roflmuffin has been taken, and has shown incredible levels of coolness. Such levels of coolness have not been discovered from a specimen's sample since the body of Jesus Christ was found. with 42,069 coolomites per square inch, Roflmuffin is easily the most amazing thing anyone will ever lay their eyes upon for possibly another 2,000 years.

It is official, I am the king of the internet.